I went to some more Pro-ana sites today, there really is a whole sub-culture out there of Anas and Mias,I wonder what it's like to be like that? I mean these people never eat hardly ANYTHING My breakfast of cornflakes and Bananas with MILK (Milk is bad, forbidden...) that's about 275 calories 'casue I only had half a glass of milk, plus a 50 calorie lunch plus a 240 calorie dinner, that's that's like 565 calories a day, and going to Maine's going to make me gain so much wieght! Maybe I can try to fast the week before going? Like, eat only 50 calorie meals all week, so that by the time we leave I'll have eaten very little calories, under 200 a day, which is okay, but that's still alot of calories a week...About 1600...

Ack, I hate myself for talking like this, but I hate myself for being fat, so there's no real trade-off there, now is there? *Bashes self* I can't win.

On the one hand I want to be thin, REALLY thin, I have no real wieght goal, I just wanna see my ribs without stretching, so maybe...105-115 pounds. To do that I've got to exercize, and it's insanely painful to do 30 laps around the field, even every other day, how Am I supposed to lose 15 more pounds? *sighs*

At the moment I wiegh 138 pounds, which is too fat, according to a website, I should be 121, which is STILL too fat. *screams*

then there's the other hand, my 800 calorie a day diet, had made Amy really upset with me, and I know it would greatly upset my mother, and these are people I desperately love, and care for. I hate hurting them, but I hate bieng fat. I barely even eat 800 a day closer to 600 or 700 if I have a low calorie snack.

Can you see where I've become confused?